A Snippet of Recent News

You don’t have to agree with me that the idiots are making their move towards total World domination. But you just cannot deny the ever-increasing craziness happening all around us.

Fran Drescher, aka “The Nanny” says that aliens abducted her. She states that she has a scar on her hand to prove it too. You know, where they implanted the chip. Fran says that her ex-husband was also abducted and that is why they met. This could also explain why he is her “ex” husband.

Pat Sajak says that he, along with Vanna White, would knock back a few, or several, margaritas between tapings and essentially hosted “Wheel of Fortune” drunk. This renders some amount of logic to the show’s uncanny popularity during happy hour at watering holes across America.

A federal study that has been going on since 2008 concludes that the disease known as “Morgellons” exists only in the patients minds. This is such a freakish deal that I implore you to do a search and read what Morgellons is and how it affects people that claim to have it. The point is however; the study costs roughly $600,000 so that doctors who encounter patients with Morgellons symptoms can now tell them it does not exist.

There have been a rash of burglaries around the Columbus, OH area. Thieves have been taking the automatic flushers from public restrooms in restaurants and other businesses. Apparently, there is a metal called red brass in the flushers that can fetch as much as $2.50 a pound. The local of the IBS (International Brotherhood of Skullduggery) really needs to push for a higher minimum wage considering the time and effort required for this task of thievery.

There is a motion before the British Parliament calling for a former chastisement of “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno. He had joked about the Golden Temple being one of Mitt Romney’s summer homes last week on his show. Meanwhile, the “Golden Temple” spiked in internet searches to an unprecedented level thus making Mr. Leno’s comments the most promotion for the sacred site since the introduction of kodachrome. I guess Parliament better stay away from watching Bill Maher too.

And that’s merely a quick sampling from one day! The World Has Gone Mad!!!

"The Stoopids"

     The series finale of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” airs on Friday the 13^th of January. And while there are those that have criticized the show throughout its eight years, it remains one of the only “reality” shows that I care to watch. Sure, they leave families with a piece of real-estate worth far more than they can afford the taxes on, but it’s the thought that counts. However, the final episode of the show signals the end of an era, and there will surely be a void to fill in unreal reality television. I once again feel compelled to create a new reality show (at my Wife’s urging) and so, here it is: “The Stoopids.”

     The premise is simple: take our cameras to the scene of real idiots who have done real stupid things (an endless source of new material); explain the logical, smarter way to perform their particular deed; sit back, cameras rolling and let the entertainment ensue as they re-create their previous escapades armed merely with better reasoning…or not. It doesn’t matter because pretty much anything will sell in reality television. Face it; if Tori Spelling, Flavor Flav, and Gary Busey can sustain (and thrive) in the genre then surely people will be flocking to see what actual down-to-earth idiots will do.

     The list of current reality shows is so long that my sense of brevity precludes me from listing them all. And then there are the ones that are no longer being produced which makes the list completely daunting. So it is with a bit of confidence that I suggest this new bit of reality be taken for real. Because really, reality television is really here to stay for real. Let the reels roll.

Panning "Lindsay Reborn"

For all the hoopla ahead of time there sure has been a lot of silence since the release of the January/February issue of Playboy featuring a pictorial of Lindsay Lohan. I think most people are afraid of being critical; her fans have been satisfied because she actually followed through on the photo shoot; her critics didn’t have anything good to say about her in the first place. So, for the sake of rectitude I feel compelled to review the final product. It is one of the worst pictorials ever to grace (or disgrace) the pages of Playboy Magazine.

The first noticeable thing that catches your eye upon viewing the pictorial is that it was fashioned to re-create the iconic images of Marilyn Monroe done in 1949. Being an opponent of re-makes notwithstanding, that particular shoot is so iconic that it now stands alone as art and should therefore not be tampered with. Playboy may have the rights to the original but that doesn’t mean they have the liberty to fiddle with Tom Kelley’s masterpiece.

Full scrutiny of the individual photos suspiciously reveals that Lindsay has an unblemished body. I’m pretty sure that the attraction men have to her is due in part because she isn’t perfect, she has faults, physical and otherwise, and there are a multitude of paparazzi produced evidence that prove the fact. To attempt to pass her naked body off as that of a perfectly unblemished (freckle-less in fact), flawless, well-kept prima donna is offensive to our intelligence. In fact, the black-and-white picture shown on the playbill page in the front of the magazine with photographer Yu Tsai proves a much more freckled bare shoulder than any of those in the pictorial.

Any novice user of Adobe Photoshop is aware of its ability to alter an image. After experimentation with the program it is easy to conclude that one’s handiwork can certainly be recognized in the final product lest only slight modifications are used. Therefore, it astonishes me that an experienced publisher such as Playboy would let obvious altered photographs appear in their magazine. Skin tone and texture is one thing but these images just have an unnatural feel to their appearance, the obvious result of re-touching. Having been shot with a basically solid background gives even more credibility to that fact since it is much easier to make changes to images photographed in that manner.

This pictorial was aptly titled “Lindsay Reborn” since Playboy attempted to make her into a woman that she clearly is not. While Lindsay Lohan’s career and popularity will probably not suffer much from her naked body being displayed in Playboy, the integrity of the magazine, at least in my view, has been  forever compromised.

Update

In just a few short minutes of perusing the headlines, it becomes clear that the idiots have not taken a hiatus with the coming of a New Year. In fact, they apparently are out to make 2012 another banner year. It’s also very evident that on-line news sources need to get better editors than those (apparently five-year-olds) they have been using. Time to focus and then there will be plenty to discuss in the very near future.