Thursday, January 26, 2012

A Snippet of Recent News


You don’t have to agree with me that the idiots are making their move towards total World domination. But you just cannot deny the ever-increasing craziness happening all around us.

Fran Drescher, aka “The Nanny” says that aliens abducted her. She states that she has a scar on her hand to prove it too. You know, where they implanted the chip. Fran says that her ex-husband was also abducted and that is why they met. This could also explain why he is her “ex” husband.

Pat Sajak says that he, along with Vanna White, would knock back a few, or several, margaritas between tapings and essentially hosted “Wheel of Fortune” drunk. This renders some amount of logic to the show’s uncanny popularity during happy hour at watering holes across America.

A federal study that has been going on since 2008 concludes that the disease known as “Morgellons” exists only in the patients minds. This is such a freakish deal that I implore you to do a search and read what Morgellons is and how it affects people that claim to have it. The point is however; the study costs roughly $600,000 so that doctors who encounter patients with Morgellons symptoms can now tell them it does not exist.

There have been a rash of burglaries around the Columbus, OH area. Thieves have been taking the automatic flushers from public restrooms in restaurants and other businesses. Apparently, there is a metal called red brass in the flushers that can fetch as much as $2.50 a pound. The local of the IBS (International Brotherhood of Skullduggery) really needs to push for a higher minimum wage considering the time and effort required for this task of thievery.

There is a motion before the British Parliament calling for a former chastisement of “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno. He had joked about the Golden Temple being one of Mitt Romney’s summer homes last week on his show. Meanwhile, the “Golden Temple” spiked in internet searches to an unprecedented level thus making Mr. Leno’s comments the most promotion for the sacred site since the introduction of kodachrome. I guess Parliament better stay away from watching Bill Maher too.

And that’s merely a quick sampling from one day! The World Has Gone Mad!!!

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