Environmental Time Warp

Long ago in a land far away, I observed the massive wheels of industry drawing in riches from the huddled masses... Okay, it was twenty-eight years ago in eastern Kansas and I worked at a coal burning power plant. It was only for six months but my experience there is embedded in me just like the specks of coal dust that I swear are still working their way out of my pores. To this day, just like it was in 1981, you can see the cloud of toxic brown contaminants spewing from the power plant from sixty miles away. Also unchanged is the peculiar sight of the plants two exhaust stacks. Only the south unit of the plant seems to be on-line because it's the one emitting all of the visible pollutants.

After several months of cleaning up conveyor spills, busting up slag, and clearing coal dust from around crushers I had come to understand the basic principles of how the whole system worked. But then one day I asked my boss, Homer, a question and his answer just floored me. (Really, his name was Homer and he was bald and worked at a power plant.) I had noticed that the northern unit had people working there every day but we rarely had to go over there and clean anything up. It was considerably cleaner than the southern unit in all aspects clear up to the stack. So naturally I asked why that unit was never on-line since the stack didn't emit any exhaust. "Oh, it's on-line. Matter-of-fact, it's almost always up and running. There's just a different type of system filtering the exhaust from it", he replied.

Now I'm not an engineer and I really don't know the first thing about energy production. And I'm certainly not a radical eco-nut that wants to throw a wild protest against the electric utilities. But, it's been three decades! That so-called "clean coal" technology that everyone is all hyped up about is the derivative of the technology we had in the early 80's. But like Homer explained, "That costs a lot of money". It's been three decades! And actually, what they can do with coal now is leaps and bounds beyond just a better filtering system. They can take nearly all of the contaminants completely out of the coal itself. So why does the sky over the Marais des Cygnes Wildlife Refuge in eastern Kansas always have a brown murky haze to it? It's been three freakin' decades!!!

Let's approach this differently. Imagine for a moment that it does cost too much to cleanly burn coal and produce energy that way. What about wind power? It is Kansas that we're talking about here and we all know that the wind blows in Kansas. Just a little research on the subject and you'll find that the primary things holding up that type of energy production are 1) esthetics 2) danger to wildlife and 3) the logistics of construction. I don't know about you but here's my take on that. Several square miles of towers with wind turbines on them look better than hundreds of miles of polluted smoke. If a deer or raccoon is stupid enough to get whacked by the blade of a wind turbine then... you get the point. We can build huge architectural marvels but can't put up a bunch of windmills whose origins date back as far as the 9th century? Okay, I'm over-simplifying it but still, it's been three freakin' decades already!!! I guess we would have to keep our eye out for crazy guys in their 50's trying to attack the windmills thinking they were some sort of ferocious giants or something.

In America we seem to make everything political and it's no different with the issue of cleaning up the environment. But let's all just try this little experiment for a moment. Close your eyes, do some deep breathing exercises, relax and imagine a serene country landscape. Do you see any filthy damn streams of smoke in that picture? It's been three, count em' 3, freakin' long, I still had a black and white TV back then, decades!!!!!

sacatk

Hey Moammar

Here's one we should all be able to agree upon. The next time Moammar Gadhafi plans a trip to New York to address the United Nations we have the perfect place for him to stay. Libya.

sacatk

Conflicted

As we grow older we come to appreciate the simpler things in life. The company of family and friends, evening walks, the beauty of nature... No, no, no!!! That's a crock! We become cynical and envious of the people that squander away fortunes because they can't appreciate what they have. No, wait a minute, that's not right. Saying that makes it sound like I don't appreciate what I have. Like the taste of home cooked meals, the laughter of children, the warmth of... Baloney!!! If that's true then why do we work our tails off all our lives just to obtain material things? Wouldn't we be happy to just lie around the house and enjoy all our stuff? Whoa there big guy. That's exactly what I'm saying, appreciate what you have. Like a good night's sleep, a breeze in summer, the flowers on the... Oh, just stop it! Happiness is all about money. That's pretty shallow don't you think? Hello!? I told you I was cynical. Which part did you not understand the cyn or the... Happiness is having a home and... Oh, please. You mean that house that the bank still owns? The one that you spend all of your time attempting to improve? I like working around the house, it's called enjoying the fruits of your labor. So, you admit that you enjoy the materialistic aspect of having a house. See, I told you... You're twisting my words. You're obtuse! Well that's the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it? Oh, so now it's about race is it? No, we're talking about money. Aha, I told you so!

sacatk

Repeat Offenses

The U.S. Army deserves full credit for preventing me from becoming a candidate for the Darwin Awards and America's Dumbest Criminals before I could reach my twentieth birthday. And even though it straightened me out eventually, I didn't go without trying a few stupid, less-than-legal exploits in my mid to late teens that could have ended rather horribly. Yes, I admit that I was a dumb criminal in my youth, but that's as far as I'm going to incriminate myself. I'm revealing this so that everyone knows my qualifications for commenting on the imbeciles that so graciously make the news each and every day through their preposterous, inept, and absurd criminal activity.

Oh, where to start? First, let me say that I'm not talking about those that commit violent or heinous crimes. Even though their actions are often the most ludicrous of all, their actual crimes overshadow any comic amusement there may be in the methodology. Secondly, calling them dumb criminals is redundant since there are no smart ones. Even if there happens to be a smart one out there we wouldn't ever hear of his or her antics because it wouldn't be newsworthy. As for the rest of the criminally inane; you're starting to bore me by failing to learn from your predecessors. You're destined to still get caught but please find some new, more creative ways of getting the cuffs thrown on. Here are some tips on avoiding a few of the recurring pitfalls of your cohorts.

Protect your identity. My advice is to just leave your driver's license at home when going to commit armed robbery. Actually, since you probably have holes in your pockets just empty them altogether before you go out. And those facial piercings, full-body tattoos, and neon-dyed spiked hair-dos; probably not the best idea for someone in the robbery business. Most police departments don't have crime labs like the ones on TV but they don't have to do much investigating if you leave all of your personal information at the scene. At a minimum, use an alias when filling out the job application while casing the place you're going to rob.

Dress appropriately. A lot of cops are a little overweight but they won't have any trouble catching up to you if the beltline of your pants hits just above your knees. Flip-flops, bare feet, unlaced work boots, and high-heels might be great for "stylin'" with your friends but they're no good when making a run for it from the police. I'm all for unique T-shirts and designer jackets and such but they're tomfoolery fashion faux pas. It's always fun gettin' naked but it's become so commonplace for today's crooks that I must insist that you consider putting something on for your big day/night of crime.

Avoid ductwork. I can see it happening once, maybe twice, but this here is becoming a trend. Don't you thieves ever watch the news? Your 300lb lard-belly might fit into that 3X3 ft exhaust vent but that doesn't mean your melon-butt will follow on the way out. Think of it like one of those dozen or so Roach Motels you have strewn around your apartment... "Roaches check in -- but they don't check out!"

Be mindful of technology. Security cameras aren't exactly new technology but that hasn't kept thieves from forgetting about their existence for quite some time now. You guys get caught on camera so often that there are actual TV shows dedicated to showcasing your escapades. Now that everyone carries a camera-phone you're gonna' have to start making a genuine effort not to get caught on video. Really, it's getting old. And what's up with the car chase thing? Here's a formula to keep in mind: Number of pursuing police cars X the model year of your Hyundai + number of helicopters X ounces of intoxicants consumed = probability of flex cuffs and gratuitous cop beating.

Avoid the police. This would include but is not limited to 1) driving a stolen vehicle to the police department 2) attempting to get law enforcement involved in the recovery of your stolen illegal drugs 3) arguing about a speeding ticket when you have $10,000 worth of "hot" electronics in the trunk of your $900 Taurus 4) calling 911 for just about any reason. If you're out committing an illegality and fall victim to a crime yourself then you're probably better off just sucking it up rather than trying to report it.

My final advice to all of you would-be thieves is simple, so listen up. Attempting to steal rather than earn something is what some would refer to as "taking the easy way out". It is easy to rob, steal, and cheat your way through life, but getting away with it is hard. Not getting caught pocketing something illegally requires more effort than obtaining it legitimately. I don't expect you to listen to me however, so go out there now and do the things you do... Just find some new, more amusing ways of getting nabbed for a change.

sacatk

"I stood on a ridge and shunned religion, thinking the world was mine,
I made my break and a big mistake, stealin' when I should've been buyin'"

"Stealin'"
Ken Hensley/Uriah Heep

SFC Jared C. Monti

Amidst all the day-to-day madness and insanity that goes on in the world there are occasional instances of lucidity and righteousness that can easily go unnoticed. On Thursday September 17th, 2009 the Congressional Medal Of Honor will be posthumously awarded to SFC Jared C. Monti by the President Of The United States. His actions of bravery and sacrifice speak volumes as to the caliber of person he was, now to be acknowledged in the annals of our Nation's history. To have known him, if only briefly, is an honor I will carry for all my life and his story I will share with all whom I meet.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

John 15:13
The Holy Bible

The Race Is On

Electing the first black man in history to the highest office in the land was an enormous step towards healing race relations in this country. Since he's been in office however, we have been spiraling in racial retrograde instead of making any progress forward. By putting so much emphasis on his race, people have managed to bring out their basest of human qualities and put on a display of intolerance that we should be well beyond, both as a country and a people.

To even take up this subject on a little-read blog is an invitation for conflict and criticism. But my reasoning is that racism and intolerance in our society has come to represent a growing component in the overall madness of our world. It's completely ridiculous to be curtailed of progress in handling the severe problems that confront our country because folks can't get past the President's ethnicity. If a heart surgeon saves your life after you suffer a heart attack, then does it really matter what race he happens to be? (Let me solve racism and then I'll tackle religion, gender gaps, and other concerns.)

It's impossible to point out the views of one side versus the other since it's a completely multi-faceted issue with varying beliefs and attitudes prevalent even within individual families. This narrow-mindedness exists across political party lines, in all occupations, in all geographical locations, and even without regard to one's own race. Oh and yes, like everyone else, even I have prejudices that are a product of my upbringing and individual life experiences.

So how do we fix it? My suggestion is to start by introducing the notion in people's mentality of how stupid the whole racism issue is. Does it make any sense to root for a sports team depending on what color the athletes are? Can you tell yourself that "all white people are racist" when the reality is the majority of voters are white and a black man was elected President? Michael Jackson didn't become the biggest pop icon in history because he was black, despite being black, or by trying to be white. He was just who he was, albeit a little strange and everybody liked him. Stop contributing to the madness and start looking at how idiotic it is to let a racial based grudge contribute to the person you are or impede what you would otherwise be able to achieve.

sacatk

Ad Vent

Yes, this is my time to rant about TV commercials. Perhaps they actually do increase sales of the products and services they're promoting, I don't know. But, do they have to do it without any principles? The ad people lost their scruples years ago but now they're brazen about it. I mean it's like they've all turned into lawyers instead of salesmen. Or maybe, it's that the lawyers are multiplying, and growing, and spreading like a cancer, and... Quick, shut off the TV, run, hide, they're coming!!! Okay, I'll save the issues I have with lawyers for another time. And now, back to the commercials.

It's our own fault you know? The reason we have so many and such stupid commercials is that we have become a nation of stupid consumers. I have to fess up here and admit that I'm one too. I've called "the number on my screen" and bought one of those "amazing" gadgets pitched by the late Billy Mays. It turns out that my nephew could have made me one of better quality at nearly no cost but I just had to have one right away. We see it, we want it, and we want it now! That's how smart we are as consumers.

It's the small print on the bottom of the screen and the disclaimer statements that really get me riled up though. There's nothing I can do to get those to go away however because, as long as there's a product we will find a way to use it not like it was intended. I'm sure the FDA requires that all drug advertising include the statement "use only as directed" because somebody, somewhere intentionally did otherwise and then got the lawyers involved. Most commercials run through the disclaimer so quickly that it's obviously done solely by requirement and not as an actual precaution to consumers. I spent about an hour pausing live TV on my DVR and actually reading the fine print and the following is what I found:

• "Based on a study, XYZ allergy medication, 50mg 3X daily, performed better than ZYX allergy medication, 10mg 1X daily..." I wonder if I would become more intoxicated if I drank 3 6-packs of beer rather than just 1 6-pack of beer.
• "Testimonials by paid actors" (They were stating how the medication made them feel.) Isn't this kind of like a lawyer paying someone to "act" like they were a witness to a crime?
• "Simulation for illustrative purposes" (It was an animated illustration of arteries progressively clogging.) They're going to need better animation than that to get me to believe it was the real thing. And someone tell me what other purpose a simulation like this would have!
• "Professional drivers on a closed course" (There were two cars doing about 90mph, passing each other, and swerving dramatically on what appeared to be a grand-prix race track.) Actually, I'm glad they cleared this up because it looks a lot like the high school down the street from me just letting out.
• "Dramatization" (An animated tablet dissolving in an animated stomach.) I'm betting that a lawyer told them that somebody would think it was real if they didn't state otherwise.
• "Symbolic representation" (This was a product that helps reduce back pain and they had a persons' bare lower back with computer generated ropes representing the back muscles and flashing red arrows indicating pain.) My personal favorite.

I have no doubts or reservations in saying that lawyers are responsible for these kinds of ludicrous statements. I would have some more but I need about an 80" LCD HDTV with a high-definition broadcast signal to be able to read print that small. One of them was an ad for an erectile dysfunction drug that "may cause blurred vision" according to the audio disclaimer.

(Study based on 30 minutes of actual time during broadcast of the NBC Nightly News and the commercials aired between segments by actual advertisers for actual products, either useful or not, through which the author claims no knowledge of truth in advertising lawsuits that may or may not have been filed to produce such ludicrous disclaimers of such minuscule nature as the advertisers have so deemed necessary. XYZ and ZYX are representative symbols and not actual medications.)

My problem with testimonials is that we're such gullible consumers that we've come to accept them from "paid actors" that may never have used the product. If you have a good product in the first place then you should be able to find "actual users" that may just happen to be actors. But don't get a well known attractive actress to tell us about how your product helped her with her bowel movements. That's just cruel because now I can't watch any of her movies without thinking "she was constipated when she filmed this". If you can't get anyone that has actually benefited from your product then I suppose a good pitchman would help. Now that the best one in the business is gone however, you advertisers need to find someone other than that cross-eyed dude that hocks things on late night TV. He's just too creepy to believe. And the guys with the foreign accents just cause us to think it's also a foreign product and support our feeling that you don't think too much of us Americans.

Of all the pharmaceuticals that are advertised on TV it's the erectile dysfunction drugs that get the most attention. I understand that it's a problem with a lot of men so it should just sell itself without the annoying ads. Just one question though. If it's been so long since you've used that part of your anatomy that you have to check with a doctor to see if you're healthy enough, then why would you want to enhance it? I equate it to playing the drums. I did it for quite a few years and became pretty good at it. But, I'm not going to go out and get a new drum set because I probably couldn't get any gigs. I'm just fine with knowing that I have a set of sticks that I can pull out and play around with whenever I get the urge.

sacatk

Common Ground

Consider the case of two farmers atop slow moving tractors arriving simultaneously from opposing directions at a one lane country bridge. A gesture is made, they both negotiate the bridge, and each is able to accomplish his task without a second thought as to which one had to compromise. It's difficult to conceive but there is a possibility that two opposing parties can find a middle ground of ideology and actually work together for the common good. It has happened many times before, even between sworn enemies. Conciliation is unlikely to occur if you happen to be talking about political parties however, because they can't even agree on what they disagree. Apparently the farmers in the story here are not politicians.

If you listen to the pundits on the Left they would have you believe that all Republicans are so inept that they need to be reminded each day how to have a bowel movement. Conversely, the Right dogmatically proclaims all Democrats to be secretly preparing a state dinner to honor Osama bin Laden. The extremists from both sides are pulling the center apart much like two pit bulls after the same chew toy. All this bickering has prompted me to point out a few simple subjects on which both parties can agree on. And it's a free service brought to you by pull-your-head-out-of-your-rectum-and-get-a-freakin'-clue.com. (Not a real web site... yet.)

Stop wasting our money! Okay, I'm not an economist or an accountant, heck I'm not even good with my own personal finances. But, I do understand that in a crumbling economy the government has to step in at some point and inject some funds into the system. Republicans, you're just going to have to accept that! And Democrats, that pocketbook of your rich uncles isn't really bottomless. I mean jeez, as a minimum just read the legislation that you're voting on so that at least you know where the money is going! But wait, that's not even the start of it. There is so much of the government's (our) money going to waste that we commission panels (another waste of funds) to tell us how much. Quit doing that! I'm telling you right now, at no cost to taxpayers that it's being wasted and it's a lot; a whole lot, tons in fact. I have twenty-six years of inside knowledge on this subject and I'm blowing the whistle. We waste more money in a day than some entire countries waste in a year. Our national debt is so big that some guy recently created a special calculator that could actually handle that many digits. Wasting incredibly large amounts of taxpayer money is not exclusive to any political party or any level of government as it's been present throughout our history without regard to the party affiliation of those in office. Now work together and STOP IT!

Enough with the sex scandals! This may expose me as a closet liberal but I'm going to say it anyway. I don't care if you're gay. I don't care if you are an adulterer. I really don't care to know about the prostitutes, or the sex toys, or any or your perversions. All I want is for you to lay the chips on the table before voters decide if they want you serving them in public office. If you're already in office and you suddenly find yourself having some sort of epiphany that causes you to, I don't know, say take a mistress in Argentina or proposition someone in a public restroom or... Get the hell out of office! Movie stars and athletes and such can grace the pages of the tabloids but not politicians running our government. Why? Because having a sex life that's outrageous enough to cause a public scandal says something about your morals and ethics. Since we probably don't know where you stand on most things (see "Explain things!" below) your morals and ethics are two of the things we base our votes upon.

Explain things! Based on the fact that I read and listen to the news more than any person probably should, I consider myself more informed than at least half the population. Apparently I'm just not as smart as most because I don't understand three quarters of what politicians try to say. Like the majority of people, I don't have a law degree and I'm not fluent in that "other English" that legislation seems to be written in. Seriously, you need to update that language to at least the 20th century! Since most politicians have an inordinate amount of higher education then I'll just assume they forgot how to do a simple outline. And by outline I mean condense that 700 page piece of garbled cipher that you call a bill into a couple of pages of spoken English that the average person can understand. The main reason there's a debate on health care reform is that no one seems to understand what anyone else wants to do. After listening to both sides of the aisle on just this one issue, I'm thoroughly convinced that our elected officials have collectively lost their minds. It is irresponsible to go on news shows and to town hall meetings and present the pros and cons of a certain issue when you don't understand the points of it yourself. It is reprehensible when you do that and it elevates the debate into a national furor over a subject that hasn't even been defined by anyone. It's like arguing over who should have won next year's Super Bowl! Here's my suggestion: get a group of B-average high school students from various parts of the country and in thirty minutes or less, explain things to them. If they have trouble grasping it then you need to amend your language.

Remember who your employer is! It becomes obscured who your boss is when you decide your own pay raises, make your own hours, take vacations whenever you decide, and essentially sign your own paychecks. Throw in the fact that you also dictate what "work" to do and it gets really foggy. But then, you always have the constant reminders that your campaign contributors put you in office to help guide your decisions. Oh, and don't forget about your party leaders, the celebrities that backed your campaign, the pundits, the lobbyists, and... But the reality is a politician doesn't have a "job" as we would normally define it. Theirs is a service; a duty. And, they serve the public within their constituency and no one else. All politicians must remember that for ours to remain a democracy lest it becomes transformed into something entirely different.

Let's revisit that two lane country road where the farmers were again but this time, imagine it as a representation of American politics. There are lanes on both the left and the right so that people can travel side-by-side in the same direction. In places the ruts are very deep making it difficult to adjust their positions on the road. If folks move too far to the left or right they end up in the ditch, the gutter if you will, with the dregs. But the real high ground is in the middle, easily accessible from either side, but also where a compromise has to be made. And if they really try, they can even use the same vehicle to transport them forward to their mutual and ultimate destination: prosperity.

Ship Of Fools

When you find yourself stuck aboard a ship of fools lost at sea your first instinct is to ponder on how you came upon such a fate. Ultimately however you are destined to conclude that you alone were stupid enough to leave shore with the idiots and are therefore in the rightful place amongst your own ilk. You can either jump ship altogether or devise a way to somehow steer the insanity towards a leeward shore. And thus I write...

sacatk