Consider the case of two farmers atop slow moving tractors arriving simultaneously from opposing directions at a one lane country bridge. A gesture is made, they both negotiate the bridge, and each is able to accomplish his task without a second thought as to which one had to compromise. It's difficult to conceive but there is a possibility that two opposing parties can find a middle ground of ideology and actually work together for the common good. It has happened many times before, even between sworn enemies. Conciliation is unlikely to occur if you happen to be talking about political parties however, because they can't even agree on what they disagree. Apparently the farmers in the story here are not politicians.
If you listen to the pundits on the Left they would have you believe that all Republicans are so inept that they need to be reminded each day how to have a bowel movement. Conversely, the Right dogmatically proclaims all Democrats to be secretly preparing a state dinner to honor Osama bin Laden. The extremists from both sides are pulling the center apart much like two pit bulls after the same chew toy. All this bickering has prompted me to point out a few simple subjects on which both parties can agree on. And it's a free service brought to you by pull-your-head-out-of-your-rectum-and-get-a-freakin'-clue.com. (Not a real web site... yet.)
Stop wasting our money! Okay, I'm not an economist or an accountant, heck I'm not even good with my own personal finances. But, I do understand that in a crumbling economy the government has to step in at some point and inject some funds into the system. Republicans, you're just going to have to accept that! And Democrats, that pocketbook of your rich uncles isn't really bottomless. I mean jeez, as a minimum just read the legislation that you're voting on so that at least you know where the money is going! But wait, that's not even the start of it. There is so much of the government's (our) money going to waste that we commission panels (another waste of funds) to tell us how much. Quit doing that! I'm telling you right now, at no cost to taxpayers that it's being wasted and it's a lot; a whole lot, tons in fact. I have twenty-six years of inside knowledge on this subject and I'm blowing the whistle. We waste more money in a day than some entire countries waste in a year. Our national debt is so big that some guy recently created a special calculator that could actually handle that many digits. Wasting incredibly large amounts of taxpayer money is not exclusive to any political party or any level of government as it's been present throughout our history without regard to the party affiliation of those in office. Now work together and STOP IT!
Enough with the sex scandals! This may expose me as a closet liberal but I'm going to say it anyway. I don't care if you're gay. I don't care if you are an adulterer. I really don't care to know about the prostitutes, or the sex toys, or any or your perversions. All I want is for you to lay the chips on the table before voters decide if they want you serving them in public office. If you're already in office and you suddenly find yourself having some sort of epiphany that causes you to, I don't know, say take a mistress in Argentina or proposition someone in a public restroom or... Get the hell out of office! Movie stars and athletes and such can grace the pages of the tabloids but not politicians running our government. Why? Because having a sex life that's outrageous enough to cause a public scandal says something about your morals and ethics. Since we probably don't know where you stand on most things (see "Explain things!" below) your morals and ethics are two of the things we base our votes upon.
Explain things! Based on the fact that I read and listen to the news more than any person probably should, I consider myself more informed than at least half the population. Apparently I'm just not as smart as most because I don't understand three quarters of what politicians try to say. Like the majority of people, I don't have a law degree and I'm not fluent in that "other English" that legislation seems to be written in. Seriously, you need to update that language to at least the 20th century! Since most politicians have an inordinate amount of higher education then I'll just assume they forgot how to do a simple outline. And by outline I mean condense that 700 page piece of garbled cipher that you call a bill into a couple of pages of spoken English that the average person can understand. The main reason there's a debate on health care reform is that no one seems to understand what anyone else wants to do. After listening to both sides of the aisle on just this one issue, I'm thoroughly convinced that our elected officials have collectively lost their minds. It is irresponsible to go on news shows and to town hall meetings and present the pros and cons of a certain issue when you don't understand the points of it yourself. It is reprehensible when you do that and it elevates the debate into a national furor over a subject that hasn't even been defined by anyone. It's like arguing over who should have won next year's Super Bowl! Here's my suggestion: get a group of B-average high school students from various parts of the country and in thirty minutes or less, explain things to them. If they have trouble grasping it then you need to amend your language.
Remember who your employer is! It becomes obscured who your boss is when you decide your own pay raises, make your own hours, take vacations whenever you decide, and essentially sign your own paychecks. Throw in the fact that you also dictate what "work" to do and it gets really foggy. But then, you always have the constant reminders that your campaign contributors put you in office to help guide your decisions. Oh, and don't forget about your party leaders, the celebrities that backed your campaign, the pundits, the lobbyists, and... But the reality is a politician doesn't have a "job" as we would normally define it. Theirs is a service; a duty. And, they serve the public within their constituency and no one else. All politicians must remember that for ours to remain a democracy lest it becomes transformed into something entirely different.
Let's revisit that two lane country road where the farmers were again but this time, imagine it as a representation of American politics. There are lanes on both the left and the right so that people can travel side-by-side in the same direction. In places the ruts are very deep making it difficult to adjust their positions on the road. If folks move too far to the left or right they end up in the ditch, the gutter if you will, with the dregs. But the real high ground is in the middle, easily accessible from either side, but also where a compromise has to be made. And if they really try, they can even use the same vehicle to transport them forward to their mutual and ultimate destination: prosperity.
